So I went to CRAFT Beer Market Edmonton for lunch today, and I can say I wasn’t expecting much (Does the food even have to be good, if you have 100 kinds of beer? That was my first thought). I am happy to report that I was not just pleasantly surprised, but fully impressed. I ordered the Big Rock Beer Chicken, and I enjoyed it a great deal, but the chicken was not what truly impressed me (though I… will admit that it was an amazingly delicious chicken)… But the side of garlic mashed potatoes… They were divine.
The angels themselves are forbidden to eat of those potatoes, for they would sacrifice their divinity for just another bite.
I ate them, and the solution to all of the world’s problems, to war, strife, famine, plague, unhappiness, it was as clear to me as the sun on a bright July afternoon — but gone as soon as I swallowed. I took another bite, hoping to grasp it again, and instead I saw how humans could travel to and colonize other planets, and that, too, left when I swallowed. A third bite showed me my own future, a future of happiness, where I was content in all parts of my life, and I saw the path and chain of actions that would help me arrive at this future, but now it, too, is gone. A fourth bite taken, I saw the face of God, and he smiled at me, a glint in his eyes. He knew I had experienced the truest happiness a human can experience on this plane of existence, but I do not recall the feeling now as I write this.
To eat these potatoes was bittersweet torture, for each bite I took I knew another bite would come, but I knew that one bite had gone. When the potatoes themselves were gone, my world became a dimmer, darker place, and now I live only for the day when next I can eat them.
I preach the Gospel of Craft Beer Potatoes, now, and will write it down for future generations. My new role is that of the Prophet of the Potatoes, even though there is no Irish blood in my veins.
What I am really trying to say here is would anyone like to go to Craft sometime for dinner?